There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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