I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
How external is "for external use only"?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
