yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
