no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
