Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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