I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
