I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
