there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
