You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
