Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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