When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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