i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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