you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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