You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
