You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
