I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
