Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
