bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
