Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
