I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
