where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
