dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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