i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My ATM looks so different sober.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
