laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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