are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
