We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
