so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
