does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
