U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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