I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
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Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
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How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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