it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
