this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
