he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
