my phone needs a breathalizer
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
