Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
