12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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