please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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