just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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