making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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