so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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