I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
