she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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