just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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