clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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