I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
