Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
its liver damage thursday
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
