chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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