Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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