Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
