you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
