some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
