It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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