the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
