so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
