I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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