I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
