Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
