I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
