Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
