he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
