I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
