with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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