the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
