Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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