we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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