I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
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I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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