I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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