I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
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His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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