Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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