Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
