During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
