So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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