dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
