Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
