i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
