ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
