When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
