i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
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As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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