How'd it feel making her break her religion?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I will be naked everywhere
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
