omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
