I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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