hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
