can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
